‘Allied’: Review

A week or so ago I went to see ‘Allied’. I was actually really excited to watch it. I’m not a big fan of Marion Cotillard, but I enjoy mostly everything Brad Pitt does and the plot of the film intrigued me. I was with a friend who doesn’t watch as many movies as I do and hasn’t seen any of the ‘great’ movies that came out this year. He loved ‘Allied’ and thought it was one of the best films of 2016. Me? I left utterly disappointed.

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I think the reason my friend enjoyed ‘Allied’ so much is because it looks good. That it, before you really start thinking about it. I’ll be honest, after I left the theater, I didn’t think ‘Allied’ was a bad movie, just not a fantastic one. Then I started analyzing it and thinking about it. I realized what a piece of s**t film I had just seen.

The first act of ‘Allied’ is completely meaningless. There are these two spies who are on a mission somewhere¬†and have to do something. First of all, I get that the film is trying to be mystical and intriguing by not having some questions answered, but that was too much. During the first hour of ‘Allied’ I couldn’t figure out exactly who the characters were and what they were doing. My friend didn’t even get it after the movie was over. Then, when the ‘plot twist’ came, it became clear that we just watched an hour of action for… nothing. The idea of the first act completely gets shattered after the ‘plot twist’. Even later, after we actually understand what’s going on, the story is still boring. The only good thing about the plot of this film was the love story. That, I have to admit, was handled properly and I have no bad comments about that. Everything else, however,… blah.

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There is no character development in ‘Allied’. Like, literally, none at all. All the characters are simply plot devices. We get no background on them, no development, we don’t fully understand who they are, and I honestly didn’t give a f**k about what happened to them. Again, they are all simply plot devices (you would think since all of the characters are plot devices at least the plot would be good…). It was also confusing to understand which character represented what. Everything was just a huge mess. The characters were by far the worst thing about ‘Allied’.

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‘Allied’ was directed by Robert Zemeckis, the guy wrote directed the Back to the Future movies. His recent film was ‘The Walk’. Dude… what the f**k happened!? This is not a very well-directed film compared to other things this director has done. It’s chopped up. Some (or most,… or all…) scenes are completely useless and random. And I just have to talk about those five minutes. Okay, listen. About an hour into the movie, there is this ‘montage’. The montage is about five or six minutes, I’m guessing, and, I’m telling you the absolute truth here, I kept laughing my a** off the entire time. It’s the most random compilation of scenes I’ve seen in recent years. I’m gonna say what it is, I don’t think it’s a spoiler since it’s all in the trailer, but if you don’t want to know, don’t read the next underlined sentence. During the montage, during a six minute montage, we see the two main characters get together, go away together, we see Marion Cotillard’s character pregnant, we see her having the child, and then we see them living together. Absolutely ridiculous. However, overall, I can’t say that the direction was that awful. Not good, but surely not the worst thing about ‘Allied’. On a technical level, however, there was nothing wrong with the movie. It looks great, the sound mixing is good, and the editing is not bad either. No complaints here.

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The acting. Finally, something to talk about this movie that isn’t terrible! Yes, Brad Pitt and Marion Cotillard do a good job. They are both okay in their roles, not breath-taking or Oscar worthy, but they do a good job. I gotta admit, they had chemistry.

If someone isn’t a big movie fan or doesn’t watch that many films, they’ll probably enjoy ‘Allied’. The film has this amazing quality that it seems to be good when actually isn’t. Anyone can get fooled, really, not just someone who doesn’t watch many movies. You just have to think about it for a little bit and you’ll realize what a bad movie it is on mostly every level. I am certain when I say that I strongly don’t recommend watching ‘Allied’.

  • Plot: 1.75/4
  • Characters: 1/3.5
  • Directing: 2.25/3.5
  • Technical parts: 2/3
  • Acting: 3/4
  • Does it know what it is?: 0/1
  • Did I overall like it?: 0/1

Total: 5/10

Thanks for reading,

Mickey Angelov

4 Replies to “‘Allied’: Review”

  1. Keith

    I ended up missing this when it made the rounds here and was really frustrated since I love Cotillard. But then the reviews started rolling out. Now I’m perfectly content to wait for its DVD release. What a shame.

  2. CineMuseFilms

    IMO, one of the most over-rated films of the year. The premise of memory circularity is meaningless, the special effects mediocre (spindly aliens in a concrete bunker? – really?), the acting was melodramatic, and the USA saves the world again propaganda totally ridiculous.

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